Is your toddler having tantrums at bedtime? Here are 10 tips to help you squash the bedtime battles.
Toddler’s have a special way of fighting bedtime, leaving parents frustrated and exhausted.
If your toddler is having tantrums at bedtime, then I’m here to help.
By the end of this blog post you’ll:
- Understand why your toddler is having nightly tantrums.
- Learn things that you can implement that will help improve bedtime for your 2, 3, or 4-year old.
- Have strategies for what you can do during the day to prevent tantrums at bedtime.
- Feel more confident tackling bedtime each night with your toddler.
Are Bedtime Tantrums Normal?
First off, I want to let you know that you aren’t alone.
You are not the only one struggling with tantrums at bedtime.
Sometimes parenting can feel so isolating. It’s helpful to remember that we aren’t the only ones going through a tough time.
Many kids struggle with a 2 year old sleep regression and 3 year sleep regression.
Tantrums at bedtime are totally normal. But that doesn’t make them any less frustrating.
What Causes Bedtime Tantrums?
Part of why tantrums happen at bedtime is due to your toddler’s normal development.
Toddlers are working on being more independent and part of that is pushing boundaries to see what they can get away with.
Even though bedtime tantrums are normal, there are some things you can do to help lessen or prevent them.
10 Tips to Prevent Your Toddler’s Tantrums at Bedtime
If you’re at your wit’s end with your 2 or 3 year old at bedtime, then here are 10 tips that can help reduce tantrums and prevent future tantrums from happening.
1. Check their Sleep Schedule
Is your toddler getting enough sleep during the day? Are they getting too much sleep during the day?
First, check your toddler’s nap schedule to make sure they are getting the appropriate amount of sleep and aren’t going into bedtime overtired (or under tired!).
Here’s what sleep should look like for your child:
- A 2-year old schedule includes one nap in the middle of the day, lasting 1.5–2 hours.
- A 3-year old schedule includes one nap, spanning 1–1.5 hours.
If your toddler is on a nap strike, make sure to bring bedtime up by 30–60 minutes to prevent overtiredness.
2. Do Special Time Each Day
I learned about special time from Helping Families Thrive and it can be a game changer when it comes to challenging behaviors and tantrums at bedtime.
Sometimes toddlers and preschoolers (and bid kids!) will seek attention at bedtime (or in the middle of the night) if they don’t feel like they got enough during the day.
You can combat this by carving out 10–15 minutes each day of one-on-one time with your toddler.
To do special time:
- Set a timer for 10 minutes and give it a name. We call ours “Mommy and Evie special time.”
- Let your child choose the activities that you do during this time. We often play Barbies or daycare.
- Stay fully present during these 10 minutes. No cell phones, washing dishes, or folding laundry, etc.
By incorporating special time each day, you’re filling your child’s emotional piggy bank and working toward an overall reduction in challenging behaviors.
You can learn more about special time from HFT blog post.
3. Limit Screen Time
Too much screen time during the day or close to bedtime can affect your child’s ability to fall asleep.
The blue lights from electronic devices can suppress melatonin and delay sleep.
To combat this, limit screen time to 1 hour a day and cut off all screen time at least 2 hours before bedtime.
4. Have a Consistent Bedtime Routine
When kids know what to expect, they tend to be more cooperative.
Choose 3 to 5 activities for your bedtime routine and do them in the same order each night.
This might look like:
- Bath
- Pajamas
- Brush Teeth
- Books
- Cuddle
Your toddler will eventually have the bedtime routine memorized and be able to anticipate what is coming next. Consistency and predictability can go a long way in helping reduce bedtime battles.
5. Use a Visual Routine
Use a visual chart or bedtime routine cards to show your toddler the steps of your bedtime routine.
There are tons of cute bedtime routine charts or you can even make your own with your toddler.
Seeing the visual routine can help keep your toddler on task. If they start to get distracted, have them look at the chart and see what the next activity for bedtime is.
6. Offer Choices
Toddlers love having autonomy and feeling in control. Give them small choices throughout the bedtime routine to help them feel this sense of control.
Limit your options to two choices so you don’t overwhelm them. Some examples include:
- Do you want to wear the truck pajamas or the dinosaur pajamas?
- Do you want to read the car book or the farm book?
- Do you want to sit on my lap while we read or sit next to me?
It may seem minor, but giving your toddler simple choices can help reduce power struggles and toddler bedtime resistance.
7. Use an Okay to Wake Clock
Toddlers have no concept of time.
Using an okay to wake clock gives your child another visual that it’s bedtime.
You can program this clock to signal when it’s tike for bed. I love the Hatch Rest and Rest Plus because it’s completely programmable from an app
Pick a color (or better yet, let your toddler pick the color) that cues that it’s time to start the bedtime routine. This way the light is the “bad guy” telling everyone it’s time to start the bedtime routine and not mom or dad.
Then, turn the light red or orange for bedtime when the routine is coming to a close.
8. Use a Bedtime Pass
Is your toddler a master at stalling? Do they get out of bed asking for one more drink, one more trip to the bathroom, or one more snuggle?
You need a bedtime pass.
A bedtime pass is good for one final request after bedtime. Once they use it, they have to surrender their bedtime pass and stay in bed the rest of the night.
This strategy worked really well for us when our daughter went through a 4 year old sleep regression.
9. Use A Sleep Training Method
If your toddler continues to protest bedtime and have tantrums, you can implement a sleep training method.
For toddler sleep training, the Chair Method or Reverse Sleep Wave are your best bets.
Both methods are good for toddlers who have sudden separation anxiety at bedtime and can help them fall asleep on their own, with some parental presence.
10. Be Consistent
Toddlers need you to be wildly consistent, so they fully understand the boundaries and expectations.
If you say one thing but then do something different, you’re sending them a really mixed message.
When they get out of bed or throw a tantrum, respond with your sleep training technique and remain consistent. The more consistent you are, the quicker you’ll get results.
Stay strong implementing these techniques. If you’re consistent, you should see reduced bedtime tantrums within 1 to 3 weeks.
I hope these tips help reduce the tantrums and empower you how to keep your toddler in their bed at night.
If you have any questions about handling your toddler’s tantrums at bedtime, leave them in the comments below and we’ll help you troubleshoot.
